Rachel's Breakfast Club

Alright friends, so I am braving the singles scene yet again. My friend Monica just moved to town and said that she wanted to get out there and meet people, so I said, "Bring it on"! Yes indeed, I am going to another young singles-type event on Saturday. I know! 2 in two weeks, I'm like Tila Tequila!!! Let's all absorb the shock of Rachel's burgeoning social calendar, and move on...

To the theme...It's an 80's themed night. Now, I looked like crap back then (Though I did rock a high side pony wrapped with a flourescent scrunchie). So what do I do? Dress the part, relive my prom nightmares, and feel like an idiot? Or screw the theme, dress sexy, and be "not with the party spirit"? Ah...decisions decisions.

The real question, of course, is will I meet some guy like Duckie who will charm the pants off of me, or is Jake Ryan going to buy me a drink at the bar? Or maybe even some hot brat-packer who I didn't even know existed will be waiting in the wings!!! So many 80's references, so little time...

5.8, Sex, and tears

You know, I have lived in LA for awhile now, and the one thing that still scares the crap out of me is these earthquakes. This one today felt like it wasn't going to end. It was long and it shook me hard. Like a good man on a 5th date. Anyway, I can't believe people just carry on with their daily lives during these things. I spoke to one guy who was in the shower when it happened, one couple I know was having sex, and another couple was having sex IN THE SHOWER. What did I do? Cried. People had sex and I cried....typical.

Let's stop polluting our earth...for my feet's sake.

Yesterday, I decide to go to the Santa Monica Beach for some relaxation with my friends. Just so you know, I am NOT a beach girl...sand in EVERY crevice....salt water after I have shaved (do you know what that feels like?)...the whole thing doesn't really speak to me..but I do LOVE the ocean, and I am trying to spend more time outside.

Well, within 5 minutes of sitting down, my feet were covered in this black crap called TAR, which apparently doesn't come off. It was like a complete layer of black goo covering my feet..kind of like in Spiderman 3 when Tobey Maguire was covered in that black goo that made him stronger and meaner. The tar didn't make me strong, but it did make me mean. It pissed me off. So please people, lets start cleaning up after ourselves so it doesn't ruin my pedicure.

Rachel of the above

Sorry I haven't blogged in a few days! In case you don't read the LA Times...I got a Mac Book! It's BEYOND fantastic, and it goes great with my skin tone.

So as promised...I will now show you how I tackled and conquered my biggest fear on the cruise! (no I am not talking the midnight buffet, sillies!) I am talking about flying through the rainforest like a monkey on a string (is that a song title? if not, it should be.). Looking at the pics, I don't look nearly as terrified as I thought I was. But hey, I am an actress...you point a camera at me, I'm gonna smile, even if I'm dangling 100 feet in mid-air.

Seriously, though, The Canopy Adventure was one of the best experiences of my life. The scenery...beautiful (at least what I saw when I had my eyes open). My dear friend, Ian, was there to deal with my tears, and there were a lot. But when it was all said and done...PRETTY FREAKIN' COOL. If I continue to do soemthing every day that scares me.....who knows where I will be a year from now! (possibly an insane asylum, but I promise I'll continue to blog from there.)

Wanna see all the pictures? Click here.

I went to a singles event and LIKED it.

So, last night I went with one of my friends down to Santa Monica for a singles party. Happy Hour on a Sunday night? Love you, LA!!!

Anyway, we go to this bar, me with my detox-friendly club soda. It was SO low key and friendly. Everybody was introducing each other to everyone else. The cynical and bitter ball of angst in me wants to give you some horror story, or at least some stupid anecdote about how I dropped my drink, slipped on it and fell on my ass...but I truly had a really nice time.

Granted, I'm as single now as I was before I went to this thing, but I consider the fact that I had a good time to be triumph enough for now.

Once again...baby steps.

No more rest for the single girl...

Yes, I am venturing back into a social life. Waking up from my lame-ass hibernation and jumping head first back into the world of sex and singles events. This one that I'm going to this weekend could be fun. Everybody needs to bring a member of the opposite sex who's also single, so its even. And then we'll pick teams and play dodgeball. (kidding, but I'm bringing knee pads just in case. They always come in handy:) Hopefully the night'll be more like an orgy, just without the sex. Or hell, with the sex!

You know, I was messing around on Facebook and saw that this girl had started a group for her friends to find guys to set her up with. Too much, right? But then I kinda started thinking that I should start up a group of my own...maybe even a couple of groups in different cities, and we can have contests and the winner gets to fly me out for a weekend!

Or maybe we'll just see how this weekend goes, and take it from there. Baby steps, Rachel...baby steps.

I am not following any rules today!

Retaining Bitterness

So this morning, I have to "weigh in" for an informercial that I am going to be shooting. Okey doke, I think, I actually lost a pound on the cruise 2 weeks ago, and this past week I have been perfect and worked out diligently. Results should be through the roof, right? Well, I lost ONE FREAKIN' POUND. So annoyed! I work my ass off all week, and all I get is one freakin' pound. So basically, I could've gone on another cruise and gotten the same result? Yeah, I know I have my period right now and I'm retaining water as though I were the cruise ship itself...but still.

You're thinking Rach, you still lost weight. Who cares? Seriously, though, everyday I tote my little blue cooler around everywhere I go. I am living on chicken and Hummus and cucumbers. Which might sound good but gets old. No sugar, no dairy. No fun.

Whatever.

Oh, and get this. They measured me this morning. Yeah, I lost inches..IN MY BOOBS. Why can't I retain water there? F-ing biology.

Don't fill the space!

I am closing out my tribute to the Disney Cruise with this beautiful rainforest in Puerto Vallarta in which I actually flew from tree to tree on a zipline, as though I were a Puerto Vallartan monkey. A very sexy and graceful Puerto Vallartan monkey (which I will definetly blog about later, when the pics come in).

More importantly, what I was able to do on this cruise is clear some space: in my mind and in my heart. I couldn't check my cell phone or email for an entire week, so I was actually able to relax and sit with my own thoughts. I came to some big realizations that I am starting to work through now, and my challenge is, now that I am back in "the real world", to keep from filling the space with the everyday BS that never fails to clutter my head.

I think that having a vacation with yourself every so often is the spring cleaning for your brain. Which turns out to be a little easier than trying to clean my filthy apartment.

Chocolate Boy

So it turns out that when you go on a cruise, you spend most of your time stuffing yourself. Now, I stayed away from buffets of ALL sorts since I was still "detoxing" (see earlier blog for definition), but I have to say that the chocolate buffet was a sight to be seen. Now since I couldn't eat the chocolate, I decided to take a picture of it to get my satisfaction. Kind of like watching porn when you're not gettin' any. (not that I've ever watched porn! I've just heard about it.)

So as I'm lining up the perfect shot, this adorable little boy wanders into the frame, and my inner Annie Leibovitz took over. He wanted his picture taken with his chocolate. And yes, his concoction looked amazing, but his excitement about being photographed was even better. So to the little chocolate boy who made me smile, this is for you...

Cover of Time Magazine, anyone? Or at least Bon Appetit?

I want to go to Towel Origami School!

One of the great things about a cruise is the special touches that make you giggle. (No, you filthy people, not those speical touches.) I am speaking, of course, about Towel Origami. In my years of travelling, I have had many a towel animal placed on my bed. I mean, we're talking a full safari between my sheets.

Who thinks up this stuff? Is there a towel origami school? Do you get a diploma at completion? What happens if you fail? Do you just go back to paper origami? Ahh, the shame.

My favorite picture from the cruise

A single Jewish girl cruising with a mouse!

My friend Ian, a senior officer on the Disney Cruise Line, asked me to sail with him for a week. A free cruise?!? Wait, but with Mickey Mouse? Hmmm...so, a boat filled with families and gay men. But still, a free Disney cruise? Yeah, I'm down.

Well, it was unbelievable. The ship was beautiful, the crew treated everyone like royalty, the food was amazing, and I got a kick-ass tan. I have to tell you...I stayed on my detox (minus a few vodka and sodas that my nutritionist said I could have) and actually LOST a pound during the cruise! Woo hoo!!! I highly recommend this trip to ANYONE who has kids and wants to have a magical experience. Or to any single girls without kids who enjoy their vodka sodas and being treated like a princess.

Over the next few days, I will give you highlights...Stay tuned for my terrified zipline experience through the rainforest in Puerto Vallarta, and my deep conversation with Pinocchio.