Every girl needs a good assistant

I love that "detox" is a verb!

Living in LA, the word 'detox' takes on many forms:
Adjective- 'Oooh that drink flushes my system. It's so detox!'
Verb- 'Can't go for drinks, I am detoxing.'
Noun- Q: 'What the hell is wrong with you lately?' A: 'I'm doing a detox.'


We can't just eat healthy, or exercise....We have to hollow ourselves out, get rid of everything that we've put into our systems over the last year, so that next weekend we can have 5 apple martinis and a pack of cigarettes. (aka 'REtox')


Can a steady diet of cayenne pepper and maple syrup really turn your life around?


I don't know, don't talk me. I'm detoxing.

Mommy, that's a pretty lady. Is that Rachel?

Ok, so this is why I like kids. They look at a picture of a "pretty lady" and consider the possibility that it could be me. This is why I try to surround myself with kids. Hell, maybe this is the reason I want kids.

Think about it. I could have a group of adorable little people constantly following me around and telling me how pretty I am. I could be Snow White. That would be awesome.

Maybe we can take vacations to a mystical far off place where people wait on you hand and foot, and tell you how cool and pretty you are. Some people call it heaven. I call it a Disney Cruise.

Cramming for love

So my birthday is coming up, which means it's time for me to start cramming to get a date....

Every year, June rolls around, and I try to meet a guy and date him long enough so that it's not weird for me to bring him to my birthday party. It's like 'Farmer Wants A Wife', and I'm the farmer, except I don't want a wife, just a date. And a male one, preferably.

3 years ago, Farmer actually got a date. It also happened to be our last date, but it gave me hope. Hope for Farmers everywhere...

These computer programs make me feel like I am 12.

Facebook, MySpace, Friendster, Twitter, Flutter, Spritzer, Fluffer, Nutter Butter...I feel like I'm in grade school all over again.

You get on MySpace (which I never did, by the way) you get all these friends, and then there's a cooler club to join - Facebook, so you go hang out with Facebook, and you start at the bottom again. You get the friends, join the groups, poke people, blah blah blah. Then there's Twitter, which is new and actually pretty shocking since you're basically stalking people all day long. You follow people and see what they are doing moment to moment. It's very Truman Show. I swear, I'm going to get a nice, solid group of people to "follow" me, and then there will be a new group to join, new people to poke, and a new club to look in on. Frustrating!!!

By the way, please start following me on Twitter- Look up- rachelleah27

Do I want a cup or a bowl?

It's really hard for me to follow Politics!!!

FREE ICED COFFEE at Dunkin Donuts TODAY!

I know that I am a triple grande sugar free vanilla non fat whole foam cappucino type of girl, but I have to say..there is something super exciting about the coffee at Dunkin Donuts. You just say "light and sweet" and BOOM...a magical tasty yumminess appears before you. Not too light, not too sweet, just right! The three bears would have been proud!

I wish we had Dunkin Donuts in LA, so let me live vicariously through all of you! For one day, let's all simplify together. Tomorrow morning, Starbucks and all of their complicated concoctions will be waiting. But for today, let's just be 'light and sweet'!

If my Dad was a dog....

Laundry. I am so annoyed with my own Jewishness right now.

Laundry. I guess it's because my mother never did it. I decided that NO MATTER WHAT, I would not do laundry on Shabbat (sun down on Friday to sun down on Saturday) So now it's Sunday, and I am stuck with 4 loads of laundry! This sucks! I am exhausted and don't want to stay up to do my stupid freaking laundry! Plus, now some of my "blog fans" are telling me they want my blog to be heartfelt and to "dive into the deepness of my emotional self". How the hell am I going to dive into my emotional self about laundry? It's dirty clothes. Does it represent my inner being? Is it a metaphor for my life?
Maybe I want dirty laundry! Maybe I don't want my clothes to be clean. The dirt protects the clothes from the outside elements, just like I protect my heart from outside influences.
Hmmm....... or maybe I was just a lazy ass all week...didn't do laundry, and now I am stuck doing laundry for the next three hours since I wouldn't do it on Shabbat!!!
Whatever.

It's just a damn T-shirt!

Last night began the festival that my office is producing for the entire city of Los Angeles. I brought T-Shirts for my volunteers...and some person (we'll call him Crazy Mcgee) came up and asked me for an extra shirt. I politely told him that I had exactly enough for my volunteers, and that if I had any T-shirts at the end I'd be happy to send him one. Well, this guy followed me around all night watching my shirts...and every 15 minutes felt the need to remind me to send him one. Well. At the end of the night, Crazy was eyeing my T-shirts, and actually tried to swipe one when I wasn't looking.....which of course just pissed me off.

Stanislavski Summer School

So last night I went to dinner with my peeps from Stanislavski Summer School. Little shout out to Amanda, Kevin, and my dear sweet Michael! Ahhh the memories. As we all dined on guacamole and chips, we rehashed many nights of acting, kissing, and Russian translation. I can't believed how I remembered so much of the world of Cambridge, MASS: The vodka, pickles, capture the flag, crush on Kevin, the famous last night....I realized the value of the picture. Even though the memory was in my brain, it was awakened by looking at the image staring at me in my album. We've all grown. Some our actors, some musicians, some wives, some mothers, but we can all say we were the Stanislavski Summer School 2002.

ahhh...phone technology

This picture is pretty, but the cool part... I TOOK IT WITH MY CELL PHONE!!!! Cool huh?

My first serious boyfriend was a gay man!

Let's just start off by saying I was in college AND in the THEATRE Department. I guess I should have known better when he sent me a note before our first date telling me to "dress semi-formal with a casual flair". Kind of telling, right? But this girl had no idea.

He bought me lavish gifts like Disney CD's and the soundtrack to Oliver. Again. No idea.

He was one of my dear friends who treated me like a queen. Or I treated him like a queen...whatever. Nevertheless, he made me feel special in this crazy lonely world, and I thank him for that. I know I missed "the anniversary", but Happy Cinco de Mayo Mr. Desantis!

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithlessand therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

© 1999 by Oriah Mountain Dreamer.

I take after my dad.

My father was a photographer. He never taught me how to take a picture, but he showed me the thrill of capturing a moment.

$90 for workout pants?

So, like most people, I have made the New Year's resolution to work out ALL the time. Well, it turns out by the end of April, my clothes are lookin' pretty crappy. So I went into Lulu Lemon since everyone RAVES about how awesome the clothes are...and I admit..they are great...BUT $90 FOR WORKOUT PANTS?


Why? Why do we spend so much money on clothes that we are just going to get sweaty and gross and wash everyday?


Well, this morning (at the crack of dawn)..I'm working out with my trainer, and took a little gander into the mirror...OH MY GOD! I was hideous. In my cheap-ass Target pants with holes in the sides, and a ripped shirt from Camp Tel Yehudah, I realized that I looked like crap. My workout sucked, and I realized that sometimes the $90 pants may just be worth it.


So, now I can be exhausted and broke at the same time. But, oh will I look fabulous!

Welcome to None of the Above. The name literally came to me in a dream, so either brilliance has begun to rain down upon me as I sleep, or I shouldn't eat Chinese food so soon before bed.

I'll be posting the trials and tribulations of my day job, the random blind dates I go on, and anything that strikes my fancy in the City of Angels. Enjoy!