You Smell Like A Stripper

Ok, this is why I am not so thrilled about dating these days. Why bother? Last night I go out on a date. Makeup= good. Dress= cute. Skin= dry...so I put some lotion on. The guy picks me up and this is how the conversation went down.

Guy: You smell like a stripper.
Rachel: (Looks at him with shock and disbelief)
Guy: Why is that bad?
Rachel: Are you kidding me?
Guy: You try to give a girl a compliment...geez.

This is why I am still single.

The reason I haven't written...

NO! I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING...it's not because I have been shacking up with some guy....that would be nice. NO! It's because I have written and produced my own webseries. We just finished shooting this past weekend. This is the first pic from the set I wanted to publish, since Marc (the guy on the right) is one of the people who convinced me to just write the show. Come to think of it, he is the one who got me to start writing a blog.
Why does he always want me to write?
Why do I listen to him?
Thanks Marc.

Saying Goodbye to Michael

Michael and I went to acting school together, he moved to LA, got a job in my office, apartment next door, and basically has been my gay husband for the past 6 years.

Today is his last day in the office. It's not funny. It's sad. He moves to Chicago in a month.

I don't do well with goodbyes.

Facebook. My own little surprise party.

So what I have realized is Facebook is like crack! I am completely addicted..and the shockers keep coming.

I am now in touch with probably one of my oldest friends who I haven't seen in years. Heidi Parcharsky. She is a photographer and lives in New Mexico. We chatted last night. SO MUCH FUN!! I mean this girl and I haven't talked in a LONG TIME! How in the hell would I be able to find a friend from preschool if it wasn't for Facebook.

I have also been able to find ex-boyfriends, and become a little bit of a stalker without them knowing it. Seeing who they are dating now, who has turned gay, who is dating one of my other ex-boyfriends. That's been fun.

Though it gets a little crazy since everyone out there is a doing the same thing. I took my relationship status and changed it from "single" to nothing. But on everyone's news feed, it read "Rachel is no longer listed as single" Well, I got so many phone calls, emails...everyone was so excited that I found someone, and for a brief moment I was excited and thought I WAS dating someone. Maybe in my Facebook world I am dating someone. Hell, I'm married with three kids and live in New York. My dog's name is Sugar Bear.

Flirting with Judaism

Ahhh, so we did it again, the single Jew Crew headed out for a night of single frolicking fun last week. As soon as I walked into the Chinese restaurant where the event was being held, I overheard this guy flirting with this girl. The guy says, "I can read you like the Talmud." I did a double take. SERIOUSLY?
I CAN READ YOU LIKE THE TALMUD?!?!?!

In all of my years of Hebrew Academy, Yeshiva, and studying in Israel, I have NEVER heard something so ridiculous! So that told me where this night was headed, and I proceeded directly to the bar. Now, as we all know, I am doing the "diet detox" so I have not had a drink since the cruise. 2 1/2 Vodka sodas later (yes I am allowed to have vodka), and I was a little drunk to say the least. I am not sure that the Vodka made the night any better, but it certainly didn't hurt. My friend and I were sitting at this table in the midst of the "Jewish Festivities" and he said that we both are going to get up from the table, meet someone, get a number, and then report back.....Well, he got up, I got up, I got dizzy from the vodka, and I sat right back down.

Lessons:
1. My college days are done, vodka is no longer the way to a man's heart.
2. The Talmud is fair game for a pick-up line.

The Notebook (RLC edition)

Last night I went for sushi at my favorite sushi place, Katsuya, with my friend. As we are munching on our creamy salmon cut roll (my favorite), my friend begins to tell me a story of how someone at her work who is in her 50's or 60's dated this boy when she was young. Her parents didn't want her to see the boy, so they sent her to a different country to go to school.

Seperated from her love and not able to receive his letters, they go their seperate ways. They both end up marrying other people and raising families. She divorced, he lost his wife to illness, and now after 40 something years, they found each other, have rekindled their love and are getting back together.

"Holy Crap!" I exclaim with tuna tartare flying out of my mouth...Maybe that can happen to me!! Maybe there is a chance for me to rekindle love for one of my old childhood sweethearts!!! And then in one fell swoop, the reality hit me.

All of my childhood sweethearts are gay.

Figures.

Hanukkah in August and my ass in a Gospel number

So, last night my office produced a Hanukkah special for PBS. The show was beautiful and stunning and will air on PBS in December. But the real treat for me happened in the dressing room at the end of the night when Joshua Nelson and his Gospel Choir sang a little ditty about how good I was looking. (Thank you exercise and detox.)

Let me tell you, when you have an amazing gospel choir singing a song about your ass, you know that you're clearly on the right path.